Category Broken Heart

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What To Do When Men Pull Away

What To Do When Men Pull AwayFinding yourself in that uncomfortable place when a man pulls away after you have what you believed was a breakthrough moment? Been there. It took me years to figure out why men pull away and even though I understand it now, I can’t say I like it very much.

So why do men pull away?

The answer to that can vary, but ultimately…they kinda freak out. In that moment when you feel like you two have gotten a little closer and all you want is to be even closer, they start to panic. They get scared and they don’t know how to handle their own feelings so they do the only thing they can think of…disappear.

Their disappearance allows them to calm down, reflect, regenerate their masculinity (which strangely decreases when we get close – their testosterone levels actually decrease due to chemicals that are released in those moments). For women it is the opposite. While we get a “feel good drug”, they don’t.

The good news? Regardless of the reason, and as I mentioned there can be many different reasons, what you need to do is pretty much the same no matter.

What To Do When Men Pull Away

This answer is going to shock you. Because it is too simple. Okay, I say simple – I didn’t say easy.

When a man pulls away after you have had a moment where you think the two of you should be getting closer, one, don’t freak out. This is normal for guys. And it actually is a dynamic that you want (to some extent), maybe not to the extremes that they do. But, this push and pull in a relationship actually keeps the romance and tension between you. It keeps it from being boring.

So what do you do, while he is away?

1) You don’t call him or contact him at all
2) You spend time with yourself and/or your friends
3) Keep busy, have a life of your own

In regards to him, you do nothing at all.

Some people refer to this as playing “hard to get“. You can think of it anyway that you like, but ultimately, by giving him his space…giving him the gift of missing you, you will actually end up pulling him closer to you without even trying.

I said it was simple. I didn’t say easy because for women this is probably one of the hardest things we have to do, especially when all WE want is to be with him. To feel the happiness we feel when we are with him. The time apart can be excruciating.

It isn’t the same for men, that is the hardest thing for us to realize. While we are anxious and wondering, “why did he disappear”, men are probably thinking about you…but since they have one track minds, they are doing exactly what you should be doing. Living their lives, reclaiming their independence and then ultimately returning to you when they are ready.

And 99% of the time he will come back. However, if you do what you feel inclined to do, which is probably call him and ask him, “Are you okay?”, “Are we okay?”, “Did I do something wrong?”

What these questions end up doing is actually the opposite of your intent. They will push him away further. He will see you as insecure and this won’t work in your favor. To understand this concept better I highly recommend this resource by Carlos Cavallo.

Figuring out what you should do with yourself when he pulls away (when all you want is to contact him and be with him again) can be a difficult thing. It isn’t like you don’t have a life or other activities; work, friends, family, exercise. The problem is, your mind is on him. Your heart is with him. It is distracting and it can be rather debilitating to your ego, your comfort level, your security – but it is an exercise in self control and when you can conquer it, you show him that you are a strong and independent woman who isn’t needy.

You’ll need him for certain things, sure, and he needs this as well. But men don’t like needy or desperate women. So when you can realize that the connection between the two of you affects him differently, on a chemical level in fact, you will be more understanding to why he needs to do this and you will feel more secure that he will return when he is ready.

The bonus is, when you show him that you can give him this space, he will need the breaks less often.

Have questions or comments or suggestions about what to do when men pull away, please leave them below.

Your Friend,


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Music Therapy and Depression

Music Therapy and DepressionThere is a growing field in Music Therapy, an established health profession, that is using music to heal. I doubt that it’s news to you that music can be therapeutic; we’ve all listened to love songs to nurse a broken heart, or blasted the stereo to change our mood. Studies have shown that music is an effective treatment for both physical and emotional issues. But music therapy takes it a step further from just ‘listening’ to being more actively involved and encourages the creation, singing, moving to AND/or listening of music to cure what ails you.

Music therapy and depression go hand in hand; it is one of those ailments where music can work miracles. Research shows that music affects brain waves, breathing and heart rate as well as your state of mind. One of the many things you can do to help cure your depression could be to start learning an instrument, you could even teach yourself piano or any instrument that interests you.

How Music Therapy Helps Depression:

As mentioned above, music has been shown to stimulate brainwaves to sync with the beat. They’ve noted the faster beats bring sharper concentration and more alert thinking whereas a slower tempo promotes a calm, meditative state. They’ve also noted that the change in brainwave activity levels actually allows your brain to shift speeds more easily on its own even after you’ve stopped listening.

Since music can alter brainwaves and ultimately your breathing and heart rate, it has been proven to counteract or prevent the effects of chronic stress. This ultimately changes your state of mind and brings on a more positive state of mind which aids in helping to keep depression and anxiety at bay. Moods improve which directly affect your health. It’s the perfect domino effect started simply by flipping a switch on your stereo.

Depression and hopelessness can spiral out of control quickly and easily if there is no pattern interrupt; music can be the perfect pattern interrupt because it gets you out of your head and back into the world. It makes your mind work (if you are learning and/or playing an instrument) or it helps calm your mind if you are constantly stressing or wrapped up in your sadness.

The hardest part when you are feeling depression from loneliness or another cause is to be able to break that pattern yourself. If you have the knowledge to do so, however, and you know that the benefits and results are immediate and almost magical, I think you’ll find that you’ll soon train yourself to turn on that song or go play the piano (or your instrument of choice) whenever the blues start to creep in.

Benefits of Music Therapy:

While there are many ways to alleviate depression, the benefits of music therapy have been profound; it is really not a shocker that music therapy as a profession is growing in popularity due to the results seen. Music therapists are now being called in to hospitals for pain management, stress management, depression and more.

However, you do not need a therapists in order to reap the benefits of music therapy; you can easily use music in your daily routine to aid in relaxation, to gain energy and motivated if you are feeling tired or depressed, to help you heal from that broken heart or other emotional stress you might be experiencing.

Music has also been used to improve cognition and focus, Kat has said she gets numerous comments and thank yous from people who use her piano music to study or sleep and that they find it helps them get their work done even faster and that they retain more. People with migraines or sleep issues have also told her it works wonders.

And who hasn’t turned on the music when you have an annoying task or chore you have to get done but have no motivation to do? Somehow, music magically can change your mood and get you moving. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that a happy person who is up and busy is going to have a far healthier mindset and body than one who is sitting melancholy on the couch – so…….why are you still here, reading this? Go LISTEN TO SOME TUNES!!!

Or do you really need more proof, more music therapy articles telling you that music is awesome and can heal you? How about instead you tell me what kind of music you need to help you. Leave me a comment below or contact me personally if you just don’t know what to listen to. Do you need heart pumping heavy metal, or do you want something calm and relaxing?

Is your body aching? Or is it your heart? Do you have migraines or insomnia? Or are you just NOT wanting to go do your homework? What are your reasons for depression?

Please, let me know 🙂 I’m happy to help match your need with the right kind of music therapy to help.

If you want to know how to cure depression naturally…try music first!

Your Friend,


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