Category What To Do When Men Pull Away

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What To Do When Men Pull Away

What To Do When Men Pull AwayFinding yourself in that uncomfortable place when a man pulls away after you have what you believed was a breakthrough moment? Been there. It took me years to figure out why men pull away and even though I understand it now, I can’t say I like it very much.

So why do men pull away?

The answer to that can vary, but ultimately…they kinda freak out. In that moment when you feel like you two have gotten a little closer and all you want is to be even closer, they start to panic. They get scared and they don’t know how to handle their own feelings so they do the only thing they can think of…disappear.

Their disappearance allows them to calm down, reflect, regenerate their masculinity (which strangely decreases when we get close – their testosterone levels actually decrease due to chemicals that are released in those moments). For women it is the opposite. While we get a “feel good drug”, they don’t.

The good news? Regardless of the reason, and as I mentioned there can be many different reasons, what you need to do is pretty much the same no matter.

What To Do When Men Pull Away

This answer is going to shock you. Because it is too simple. Okay, I say simple – I didn’t say easy.

When a man pulls away after you have had a moment where you think the two of you should be getting closer, one, don’t freak out. This is normal for guys. And it actually is a dynamic that you want (to some extent), maybe not to the extremes that they do. But, this push and pull in a relationship actually keeps the romance and tension between you. It keeps it from being boring.

So what do you do, while he is away?

1) You don’t call him or contact him at all
2) You spend time with yourself and/or your friends
3) Keep busy, have a life of your own

In regards to him, you do nothing at all.

Some people refer to this as playing “hard to get“. You can think of it anyway that you like, but ultimately, by giving him his space…giving him the gift of missing you, you will actually end up pulling him closer to you without even trying.

I said it was simple. I didn’t say easy because for women this is probably one of the hardest things we have to do, especially when all WE want is to be with him. To feel the happiness we feel when we are with him. The time apart can be excruciating.

It isn’t the same for men, that is the hardest thing for us to realize. While we are anxious and wondering, “why did he disappear”, men are probably thinking about you…but since they have one track minds, they are doing exactly what you should be doing. Living their lives, reclaiming their independence and then ultimately returning to you when they are ready.

And 99% of the time he will come back. However, if you do what you feel inclined to do, which is probably call him and ask him, “Are you okay?”, “Are we okay?”, “Did I do something wrong?”

What these questions end up doing is actually the opposite of your intent. They will push him away further. He will see you as insecure and this won’t work in your favor. To understand this concept better I highly recommend this resource by Carlos Cavallo.

Figuring out what you should do with yourself when he pulls away (when all you want is to contact him and be with him again) can be a difficult thing. It isn’t like you don’t have a life or other activities; work, friends, family, exercise. The problem is, your mind is on him. Your heart is with him. It is distracting and it can be rather debilitating to your ego, your comfort level, your security – but it is an exercise in self control and when you can conquer it, you show him that you are a strong and independent woman who isn’t needy.

You’ll need him for certain things, sure, and he needs this as well. But men don’t like needy or desperate women. So when you can realize that the connection between the two of you affects him differently, on a chemical level in fact, you will be more understanding to why he needs to do this and you will feel more secure that he will return when he is ready.

The bonus is, when you show him that you can give him this space, he will need the breaks less often.

Have questions or comments or suggestions about what to do when men pull away, please leave them below.

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