Are you feeling depressed and lonely today? I know it doesn’t help one bit if I say, you are not alone in this. Because you’ll snap back at me (as I’ve done on more than one occasion) and say, “Yes, I am!” Or at the very least you’ll not care at all if other people are out there feeling alone and depressed.
YOU are feeling sad and depressed and it really doesn’t matter what other people are feeling. YOU matter.
I know this feeling well, so I’ve researched and read a lot of things to discover ways of how I can be happier, whether I’m alone or not. One of the best books I have found (although there are a few I would highly recommend) that can show you how to be happy with yourself and life is Richard Carlson’s book, “You Can Be Happy No Matter What.”
The title speaks for itself, it’s so obvious in almost a cliche sort of way that you probably won’t pick it and read it because you don’t believe him. I recommend you pick it up anyway.
I won’t leave you hanging with just a book recommendation though. I will outline a little bit about it, but mostly I’ll give you my own insight to what I’ve discovered about being happy regardless of your circumstances by managing emotions.
What Can You Do To Make Yourself Happy?
The BEST thing you can do…is GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
Your thoughts are what are making you so miserable. Yes, I know you are lonely. I know it is a reality that you might not have as many friends as you’d like, if any…that work, debt, obligations are stressing you out. That you can’t find the man of your dreams and finally start the life you’ve been waiting for.
Your circumstances are real. Yes. Definitely, I’m not arguing that case at all. However, and I speak from experience that this is true, you can still learn how to and control how your thoughts affect you.
Thoughts, moods, other people’s moods, all of these internal and external forces can make you feel and think a certain way, and THAT is a huge contributor to why you feel depressed and lonely.
Depression can actually still be with you even if you are in a room full of people. Loneliness too for that matter, because you aren’t feeling the connections and love that you desire.
When you actually are alone these feelings are amplified, sometimes unbearably so.
There are five principles that Richard Carlson covers in his book.
Steps On How to Be Happy
– The Principle of Thought
– The Principle of Moods
– The Principle of Separate Realities
– The Principle of Feelings
– The Principle of the Present Moment
It is quite remarkable how suseptible we are to our thoughts and moods. They can change how we feel about something on a dime. Once minute we might be thinking positively about a scenario and the next with a low mood we have complete negative thoughts about that same scenario.
The real kicker is, even when we are in a good mood, we are influenced by other people’s moods. We can actually be going along in life smiling and happy only to be rudely interrupted by someone else’s negative attack on us or something around them.
Somehow we get dragged into the drama. We do it to others as well, unfortunately. But there is a way to learn how to NOT be so affected and influenced by our thoughts and moods. Simply by being aware of them, we can train ourselves to not take them so seriously. To not be taken over and let our negative thoughts MAKE us feel depressed.
Yes, you are going to feel down sometimes, everyone does. However, you won’t stay that way. If you are staying depressed 24/7 then you might need some help. Fluctuations between a good mood and a bad mood are normal – permanently stuck in a depression is not.
Feeling lonely is normal. Wallowing in it, is a choice. I know it is often very difficult to CHOOSE to not wallow. That sometimes it feels like you are being dragged down with your sad thoughts. It will take that much more strength from yourself to accept those feelings but WILLINGLY not allow your thoughts to control you.
Funny as it is, but when you see them for what they are, as static (as Carlson says in his book), like the static noise of a TV, you can learn to dismiss them, even laugh at them, and not take them so seriously.
At your core is happiness; the cloud of unhappiness is what you need to clear. And you can do this and be happy with yourself and life and stop being depressed and lonely simply by learning how to see your thoughts for what they are, just thoughts. They aren’t reality. They are often your brain running away like a train using the past or worries of the future to ruin your present.
To see if I’m right do this simple exercise:
How to Be Happy Alone
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Try not to think. If you can’t make your mind stop, tell it to hush. Don’t picture a pink elephant. Whatever you do DON’T picture a pink elephant.
Open your eyes. How do you feel inside? Are you calm? Are you feeling at peace?
Yes, it might only last a moment. It’s learning how to increase these moments by appreciating the NOW that will allow you to be happy no matter what. You will be less inclined to let the outside world influence the peace that is inside of you all of the time, whether you are alone or not.
If you are depressed and lonely, don’t stay home and think about being depressed and lonely. Go for a walk. Take in the beautiful scenes. Talk to people. Get out of your mind, and out into the world and you will stop feeling so lonely and depressed I assure you.
When we are feeling low it typically means we are fighting what is. We are resisting that which we don’t like, or that which doesn’t feel right. Resisting only makes you feel worse, it is when you stop resisting that you can be freed from the negativity.
Life is like that. Stop Resisting! If you want to know how to stop feeling lonely, that’s the best advice I can give.
I know how hard it is to feel this way, please leave me a comment below and tell me your thoughts on the matter. If you would like to talk to me personally, you can contact me here.
Your Friend,
Kat
NurturingYourBody.com
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