I am generally a calm and happy person. But lately, I’m sensing a theme that I am around a lot of negativity and since I am an empath and I am feeling it deeply and seeing its effects on my life, I am realizing that I don’t like what I’m seeing. From drama at work to toxic behavior from loved ones I’m making a conscious effort to no longer allow it to take me over. No longer allow the darkness to smother my light.
Depending upon who you meet who “knows” me you’re probably going to get a conflicting response. And that has to do with perspective and influence.
You see, I am not only an empath but a chameleon. I emulate. I sense and I mold to the situation and person and this isn’t always a good thing.
I am most at home and myself when I’m alone. And that state is usually a calm and happy one. When I’m around others it can go one of two ways . . . either in a positive direction or a negative one and that is completely dependent on the other person’s personality and/or mood.
A negative mood can change my positive one and vice versa.
Sometimes I think to a certain extent we are all like this . . . to a certain extent. But other times I wonder, if that is true then wouldn’t my positive mood rub off more on the negative people around me? Wouldn’t my mood influence theirs the way theirs influences mine?
I have not found this to be the case. In fact, my very happy mood has more often than not been squelched by the negative ones around me. Little black clouds I call them.
And I am just one little ray of sunshine. I get smothered.
I’m not always a ray of sunshine . . . don’t get me wrong, I have dark days just like the next person. Moods are moods and they are a normal phenomenon.
But I think we can all agree that a good mood is better than a bad so from now on, as much as I can help it, I’d rather not have my good mood sullied by someone else’s bad day.
Who’s with me?
I know others out there who are sensitive souls like me. Empathetic to the core. Raise your hand if that describes you.
As I said at the beginning, despite this character strength and flaw, I no longer wish to allow other sourpusses to sour me. And so I am taking a stand.
I have made a conscious effort to stop the negative self-talk and to deflect that behavior from others. I essentially am going to walk away.
I am not going to engage or indulge in their moments of dancing with the devil.
I will not gossip, I will not whine and I will never ever tear down another living soul no matter what the circumstance.
Perspective and influence are huge factors in life. Because we know that everyone’s perspective is different and everyone deep down is going to be selfish and concentrate on themselves when pain of any kind is involved, how can we ever allow ourselves to judge another living soul?
You will never know what another person is going through in life, even if you ask and they tell you, you can’t ever really know.
To mask the pain or boredom or whatever it is that makes other people act in less than desirable ways, another person’s way of communicating or handling something should never be mimicked.
Never be a lemming.
Be your own person. Think your own thoughts. Believe your own beliefs and let other’s do the same.
The pack mentality is a thing for a reason. Because it is real. Mobs happen. Cliques happen. Mean girls happen. Bullies happen.
That doesn’t mean you ever have to be a part of it.
Peer pressure. Fear. Anxiety. All of these things drive people to do things they might not have done before.
This isn’t new. But it doesn’t have to keep being the norm. Not if we stay aware and stay true to ourselves.
It can be very easy to fall in line with the group. To try and fit in. Everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere.
But at what cost?
A friend of mine told me something pretty shocking the other day. She said she was invited to sit down with the “popular” girls, but she declined.
This is the same girl who typically keeps to herself and is alone but doesn’t necessarily want to be. So I asked her, “Why did you say, no thank you?”
She told me it was because she didn’t want to ever be considered popular.
Again, I asked her why.
“Because popular girls are mean.”
I think most people would agree that this is something that follows that group. However, in this case, I knew a few in the group and didn’t think they were mean girls.
So I asked, “Do you think it’s fair to say they are mean just because they are in the popular group?”
She didn’t think so, but I dug deeper, and the root of it, it had to do with gossip.
Even though the girls were not necessarily mean or bad kids, they liked to gossip about others and my friend wanted no part in it. To the extent that she’d rather be alone.
Which brings me back to my original point of influence. Why is it so much easier for the bad, negative behavior to win out over the other? Why couldn’t my friend’s attitude of no gossip be the norm?
Because, unfortunately, it is the minority.
There is a lack of balance.
And the only way to tip the scale is to start one person at a time. Start with yourself. Influence others with your positive actions rather than your negative ones.
I’m starting right now. I’ve decided to shield myself as much as possible when I’m out in the world and keep my calm and happy demeanor that I feel when I am at home by myself.
When I encounter negativity, I am simply going to walk away or change the subject. I will not engage.
I will still listen to someone if they need someone to talk to, but I will not join the pity party.
Life is hard enough. There is no reason to make it harder.
Smile.
Your friend,
Kat
nurturingyourbody.com
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