After reading The 5 Love Languages and discovering that receiving gifts was at the bottom of my list, it got me thinking about gift giving.
I’ve always liked gifts, and I love giving them. But discovering that they aren’t “how I feel loved” made me really examine why. I’ve always loved surprising people, loved giving them gifts. Not simply for their birthday or the holidays. Those times can be rather obnoxious because you feel so pressured, you HAVE to get them something. I don’t like that. Yes, the holidays are a time of giving and love and that’s all fine and dandy, but it becomes very stale when you get someone something just for the sake of getting them something.
So what I figured out after thinking about this only a moment is that it isn’t that I don’t like to receive gifts, it’s that people rarely get me something I actually like. It pinpoints the fact that either they don’t really know me, or that they simply aren’t making the “gift” about me, but more so about them.
I used to rack my brain over what I thought someone would like or enjoy. Something that would surprise them to receive and bring a smile to their face. But most people don’t do this.
When finances got tight and gift giving was either no longer an option or the amount spent had to be rather minimal, that also seemed to put gifts on the back burner for me. However, other people still had money and bought me gifts, even though I asked them not to (I felt bad because I couldn’t reciprocate, if someone requests NOT to receive something – I think you really should respect and honor that request, that in itself is a gift.)
Finding the Perfect Gift
Finding the perfect gift for someone is rather simple if you go about it the right way. You have to be thinking OF that person. What they like, what they ARE like, their interests. What might help them in their lives. What would really surprise them and bring a smile to their face.
If you know someone, really know them, these questions should be fairly simple to answer. If you THINK you know them, but struggle with answering these questions you have two options.
1. Ask them what they want – yes, it’s that simple. Perhaps it won’t be a surprise, unfortunately, if you wanted it to be. But at least you know that what you will be giving will make them happy, because they wanted it. And that really is the goal here.
2. Find out more about them. Ask them questions about themselves and their likes and dislikes, their interests. In those answers, you will likely find an answer to your question about gifts.
Giving a great gift to someone, whether it be something you buy or make, has only to do with really knowing the person and making the gift giving ALL about them. If it’s their birthday, this should be especially the case. It’s THEIR birthday! Yes, you feel good when you give a gift, but it really isn’t about you. It’s about THEM.
This is what I discovered today when I was thinking about why I no longer enjoyed receiving gifts. I rarely liked what people gave me, or the gifts were simply a practical item that I needed rather than something I wanted. Hardly any of them were surprises. I like being surprised. I like knowing that someone was thinking about me and took the time to find something or buy something that I would really like.
I also really like gifts that make my life better, like a massage. I rarely will spend that kind of money on myself, but I really NEED Them. This isn’t an “item”, but it makes a great gift.
So next time you are trying to find the perfect gift, for a special occasion or not (and by the way, if you can afford it, I highly recommend giving gifts throughout the year for no particular reason – THAT really makes a person’s day and brings a smile to their face), the way to go about it is to really THINK about that person. THINK about who they are, what they like, and what it is that would make them smile. And if you really don’t know, if all else fails, ask them. Most likely there is something out there they really want but would never buy for themselves.
I would love to hear your feedback on this, how you feel about gift giving – and just for fun, why not say something that YOU would like someone to get or do for you. Please leave your comments below 🙂
Thanks!!
Kat
Owner, NurturingYourBody.com
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