One would think it would be easier to not get lost on a one-way street. Fewer options, fewer choices, fewer ways to get confused and not make it to your destination, right?
Ironically, no.
Not only have I managed to get lost on physical one-way streets . . . I find it much easier to get lost in one-way street relationships.
It always starts out well . . . or so I think at the moment. It always takes hindsight for me to see that the relationship, friendship or romantic, was never two-way. Was never healthy. And was, in fact, toxic.
I recently experienced this moment. Not with a romantic partner, but with someone I thought was a good friend.
He’d always been there for me when others were not. He was also the one who helped me during one of my hardest moments.
But after learning that he is still friends with someone who treated me horribly, someone he agreed was scum, it has made me question and re-evaluate our own supposed friendship.
You see, friendship is sacred to me. If I am your friend, then I have your back and I always will. And to me, that looks like this . . . if someone hurts you, I don’t allow them in my world, anymore.
It’s this naivety, I think, that has allowed me to have so many one-way street relationships. Well, I don’t know if I would call who I am as naivety. It is my character. And unfortunately, I tend to forget other people aren’t like me.
So, why is it easier to get lost on a one-way street?
Because despite the seemingly simple direction, it’s this obvious nature that makes you turn a blind eye to clear signs that you should stop going in that direction, turn around . . . and walk away.
Nearly all of my relationships start out appearing as a two-way street. Give and take. Compassion, interest, and care.
Somewhere along the way though there is a clear shift that tends to get ignored and is only noticed and made apparent when it’s reached a true toxic state.
There are signs though and I think it’s time to stop being so nice and forgiving and start demanding more respect.
Because that is what it boils down to. If you are in a relationship that feels one-sided it’s because there is a lack of respect. Forget love, forget nice gestures in the past. Every day is a new day. Every experience is a new experience. They will either be good or they will be bad.
Never accept bad behavior even if in the past there was mostly good. The only thing that truly matters is how the relationship is making you feel.
If you feel disrespected, listen to that feeling, don’t ignore it.
I’m not saying you need to make a dramatic scene and end the relationship cold turkey. But I am saying it’s time to stop putting in effort when none is being given.
And to top that off, if none is being given and on the contrary, a clear step was made that was blatant disrespect, it’s time to walk away.
. . .
Part of the problem is that maybe a lot of your relationships are like this and you think it’s the norm. But it isn’t.
It’s time to start attracting better people into your world. Even one better person is going to show you how wrong these other people were for you.
You should never put up with disrespectful behavior. Have a conversation if you feel you need to, but if no changes are made, then you have your answer.
One-way streets can be confusing. You get lost in them. You often can lose yourself. Your sense of direction. You can literally be going on this one-way street for so long that you forgot what a kind, loving and respectful relationship feels like.
It isn’t easy to break out of your determined path. You might think if you just persevere you’ll get to your desired destination. But this is a dangerous place to be.
Always be aware of your surroundings. Don’t get tunnel vision in your life.
Pay attention to your feelings. Pay attention to your gut.
If your gut ever says, you’re going the wrong way, this doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to turn around.
A proper relationship should always be a two-way street. Even a friendship. If you have found that someone did not have your back, do not ignore this.
A true friend will ALWAYS have your back.
A one-way street may be necessary for physical travel, but it is not necessary when it comes to personal relationships.
You can be of service to people and that can be a one-way street. Giving but not expecting anything in return.
But in a friendship or partnership, it should always be a two-way, non-toxic, uplifting and beneficial compassionship for both of you.
Anything less than that needs to be discarded. As hard as that may be to hear, as difficult as ending a relationship may be, it is necessary.
You deserve to be treated well. And the people in your life deserve to be treated well. Always be true to yourself.
If someone hurts you, do no retaliate, this lowers you. But DO walk away.
And find better people who deserve your time and your love. They are out there.
If you are currently traveling on a one-way street and you aren’t sure which way to go, please contact me and let’s talk about it.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to let go of someone in your life. But you deserve nothing but the best.
Your friend,
Kat
Nurturingyourbody.com
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