How to Get Your Ex to Want You Back

You know, I always knew matters of the heart were a huge issue. They always were for me, until I got married and felt secure that I’d never have to go through heartache again or be rejected. Boy was I wrong.

Back before I was wrong I had heard of programs out there that people were buying like “How to Get Your Ex Back.” I used to think, “That’s silly – why would anyone buy that?”, “I am so glad I don’t have to worry about things like that anymore.”

I used to say those things…until…something happened in my life that changed my mind and suddenly, I was the one searching for ways to get my loved one back in my life, to get LOVE back in my life.

That’s when I discovered the HUGE pool of people who were in the same boat. AND I discovered that because of my own heartache and what I had found out, that I could actually help people who were going through the same thing that I went through.

Now, I’m actually grateful that the unexpected happened to me, because it put me in a position that actually made me a better person (meaning it allowed me a chance for personal growth) and allowed me to realize how many people are out there hurting the way I was, and that now, I had some knowledge and tools to help them.

You see, I wasn’t just rejected and on the verge of a total emotional breakdown – I was struck with the realization that I hadn’t actually BEEN happy. I thought I was. Until something opened my eyes. One thing led to another and BOOM, my life had changed. But not necessarily for the worse, it’s all about perspective.

The biggest thing I learned during my difficult time (thanks to the many resources I found) was self empowerment. Despite having many reasons to have confidence, I lacked it. Despite having so many wonderful things in my life, I couldn’t enjoy them or even see them sometimes.

To say I was HIT HARD by the unexpected would be an understatement, and it took me a few years wallowing through depression and just trying to keep my head above water before I finally took the steps necessary to pull MYSELF out of it.

I don’t feel like going through all of my details, they aren’t important and for me they are in the past. You are here because you want to know how to get your ex to want you back.

So that’s what I’m going to talk about.

Let’s look at that statement: How to Get Your Ex To Want You Back

For me, there is only one word in that sentence that matters. Can you guess what it is?

WANT

Wanting is a choice. And it seems to me that in order to get someone to CHOOSE to be with you there is only one thing you need to do. Be something he or she can’t live without.

I don’t know why you broke up – there could be a ton of different reasons, even though a lot of relationships end because of similar ones, that doesn’t really matter right now.

What matters is YOU.

I’m going to give you two invaluable tips to getting your ex back:

1) Fight every urge you have to do what feels right to you – do the opposite.

2) DON’T contact them for at least 30 days

You might not know what I mean by the first one, maybe you can guess. But basically, after a break-up, your first inclination is you want to TALK to them. You want to work it out. Trying to do so will only make you feel and/or look desperate. And will likely just push them away further. Right now, you both need space. Take it.

Use that time to really think about what happened and MOST importantly to calm down and get stronger. You are hurting, you need time. This ‘time’ is a good thing, for you and for them.

Probably the biggest thing I learned during my “silence” was that I needed to work on my own part of it. I knew I had done things that I could and probably should have done differently during our relationship. I knew there were things that he could and should have done differently too.

But the things is, you can’t control or change someone else. You can only control and change YOURSELF.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you. But all of us have things we can improve on. And if nothing else, by focusing the attention on yourself, you have the opportunity to become a better, stronger, you.

I read many books and articles and tried to talk to my friends about it. Nothing helped me more than The 5 Love Languages, How to Win Friends and Influence People and Irresistible Desire. (Note – Irresistible Desire is a resource for woman, if you want a great resource for men by the same creator I recommend the Bad Boy Formula).

Before my life was turned upside down I thought I was a well-rounded person. My life on the outside looked pretty darn good. I have many things to be happy and grateful for. I am very blessed. But. After it was turned upside down I realized that there was an area I really needed help in. How to deal with people. How to communicate better, and the biggest one, understanding men.

Understanding men was a huge one, because let’s face it, most women just don’t, right? Well. I’ve learned a lot. And I wouldn’t change that now for anything.

I can’t go back and undo anything that happened and honestly I don’t think I even would. I am a better person for it. I learned how to put myself first, not in a selfish way, but learned how to value myself so that people would treat me the way I deserved.

I learned how to communicate effectively. I learned when NOT to communicate – a very important thing. And I learned how to stop worrying and start living. I learned how to stop letting other people influence how I felt about myself and by doing so became a happier, less stressed out me.

Prior to reading those resources I was constantly wondering, “How Do I Keep Him Interested?” After, that question doesn’t even cross my mind. It no longer is about that. With advice from Carlos Cavallo in particular, I learned what I was doing wrong and how to value myself more so that I would no longer have to worry about things like that, because I know that his life would be better with me in it.

I now have the confidence to be fine either way.

When someone breaks your heart, nothing else seems to matter. You almost lose yourself. Your entire world suffers, work, family, friends…you.

Finding yourself again can be hard. But it is necessary and the pain you are feeling WILL make you stronger. It always does. You may or may not get back with your ex, but if you are confident, patient, happy and live YOUR life, you just might.

Be your best you.

If you need to talk you can always contact me or leave a comment below and share your story 🙂

Thanks!

Kat
Owner, NurturingYourBody.com